Have you ever felt too proud to fess up to the world? It is one of those nights when I feel particularly lonely -I guess there is a price to pay for choosing to belief what I do! Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to blame it all on hormones and get one with it...
In the meantime I shall dwell on my vulnerability and my inherent need to appear stronger than what I may be! To I feel vulnerable and yet I should be excited I potentially have two job offers... And may be it is because I have a reason to be happy but nobody to really share it with, that I feel so alone!
I am trying to explore this moment of "weakness" to see if it is more than a moment or perhaps it is a reality I have been trying to hide from myself... rationality can become quite a complicated affair!
Tonight I will admit I feel lost but tomorrow I may deny the whole thing.... which is true I don't know - and I don't know that I want to delve into it! I spend so much time trying to figure myself out, my reasoning.... sometimes I wish I were dumber. But then again I am sure that I would find something to be miserable about!
Maybe Agent Smith was right and we need something to be off to be 'happy' lest we are unable to compute the reality around us?!
I better go to bed! Maybe Morpheus will bring some solace!
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