The people in my life

Some times you feel ever so slightly greedy... you don't want to let go... If you are a social person being surrounded by people can definitely give you a high!

For the most part we all need that socialising side of life because whether we want to admit it or not une partie de nous se retrouve dans le regard d'autrui!

We are the sum of our experiences and of the encounters we have... some encounters become lasting friendships others are albeit just fleeting moments but all mark us none the less... how indelible these are comes down to pretty much our view of life. That being said I do have a bouquet of friendships with flowers from different "epochs"... a beautiful bouquet!

For better or worse all experiences make us grow... some episodes are more painful than others but all are useful all the same... They all help us find out who we are and who we are not!

My childhood in Honduras and Nicaragua seems so far away and yet some moments seem so near... and yet the only tangible thing I have from when I was 12 is a dress that now serves as a t-shirt...

High school also went by in a whirlwind and despite the horror stories you often hear associate with that period in time I can say that the most traumatic thing was Maths and Physics class (I managed to skip bio for the most part but I think I can still manage to find my brain when I must!)

Next year will be 10 years since I graduated uni... and THAT makes me feel old --even if just briefly! I somehow managed to get through uni pretty much my innocence unscathed... although I was partially "corrupted"! I think it was there were I became more aware of who I was... it was there where the forging of my personality became a more conscious decision!

First work experience (Indonesia), the MA (Sweden), my "hippy" phase (Amsterdam -according to my siblings), Ethiopia... London, where the corporate experience has contributed to the development of my more cynical side...

I look back to the person I was and sometimes it all feels so far away but it does not ever feel like any sort of betrayal... It all feels natural...

Naturally, not all those whom I once called friends remain in my life... Paths diverge --sometimes they re-converge successfully, some other times, time and space have, unavoidably taken a toll! All I can hope is to have learnt all I that I could and taught all I could share... For the rest, life just happens!

"Growing up" maybe jades us a little, maybe it kills some hope in us... maybe not all, maybe just a bit... maybe we know better... maybe priorities change... maybe we "see" better... maybe we understand what we feel more...

Recently, the people in my life have shown me:

Dreams, as crazy as they may seem are worth chasing... Negativity is to be kept at bay, Regret is a concept that should be erased from your vocabulary and the courage to follow our heart no matter what is something we must live by...

So, I may be as clueless as I was in my teens and 20s BUT I know that now the people I choose to keep in my life, my bouquet of friendships, it is growing into this beautiful garden (to sort of plagiarise Voltaire)...

And there is more than one reason to be grateful for that!

Know thyself

Sunrises are magical... such a beautiful display of colour harmoniously arranged! The fascination may come from it's ephemeral uniqueness... 

 

So I keep making these sporadic entries but it is what it is... So much has happened between this and the last entry -both highs and lows- but now it is one of those periods where having experienced a lot I process a lot!

So, following a couple of incidents with a guy who --yet again-- happened to be a commitment-phobe (I seriously don't know what I do to attract their kind but I certainly don't stick around to find out either!), I met a guy who has somewhat restored some of my faith in the opposite sex.

No two sunrises are alike, not just because nature is just too grand to need to repaint the same picture every day but also because as the observer, we are never the same person. 

Nothing but friendship will come out of this relationship (alas!) but in the little time I have known him I can say I have discovered quite a bit. It never ceases to amaze me, life's little ironies, how people come into your life briefly can leave such an indelible mark.

I am a firm believer though that [people's] paths cross right when they should although the reason why this is may elude us... understanding the "why?", may take us a while, but there is always at least one reason for this "why?".

In my case, the restored faith came also with knowing what type of attraction I want to feel towards a man; what conversations I want to have; the ease with which I want to interact...

Sounds obvious but like many things in life, sometimes although you know that you haven't found what you are looking for, you don't really know WHAT it is what you are looking for...
Now I am closer to knowing it than I was a month and a half ago...

Sunrises (and sunsets for that matter) are the epitome of realisation; a moment where everything seems to "click" and make sense... a tranquility that fills us with joy and relief for we no longer feel like the clueless and contradictory beings we otherwise are.