The financial markets may be experiencing a dry spell since H2 2008; 2009 was by many standards labelled an annus horribilis. But I can’t complain, 2009 was a good year and 2010 has kicked off on a relatively high note despite the boredom I’ve encountered at work.
Swedish, German, British, Canadian, French, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, engineer, banker, accountant, lawyer… variety provides for a good comparative survey of modus operandi.
Could all this be attributed to some unconscious 30s crisis? Fear of commitment? Boredom? Wantonness?
Let’s go one by one: I am not troubled, the past 12 months have provided me with insight about myself and men –albeit I am still ions away from fully understanding the latter. I feel better prepared to process –which seemingly ranks top five favourite things to do. It is up there with sex, reading/writing, learning and enjoying good food.
Phobia of commitment? Unlikely, I am not afraid to engage my feelings and display my vulnerabilities but I keep the right to choose who is deserving of the privilege.
Now boredom may have a part to play, I am finding work dissatisfying of late on several levels. I am looking to move but in the meantime why not spice things up a bit
Wantonness (minus the socially normalised – tired and negative – connotation) is most definitely increased by boredom.
Or is it that I now have the time to become fully aware of its presence previously effaced to a second plan by other aspects of my life? In any case, I don’t feel troubled it, quite the contrary!
This time last year, I was broken hearted. I cried like a Magdalene and was inconsolable for a bit, unable to understand what had happened. I got over it with a Swedish engineer, needless to say that story obviously did not last very long.
So 12 months on, several guys and stories later what have I learnt?
Lesson #1: The pain of fall hurts more and for longer when you try to burry it or when you become resentful. Embrace the pain, if you were true to yourself you should not have any regrets and letting go becomes easier…
Lesson #2: Get back on the horse, don’t rush into it but don’t let fear run the schedule… It won’t be the first or last fall.
Lesson #3: The bruises we carry and wear are battle-wounds, proof of our desire to live and experience the world around us. Look at the silver-lining and focus on what you’ve learnt about yourself, others and human interaction in general.
Lesson #4: Don’t be afraid to take a “leap of faith”, the worse thing that can happen is that you fall and it will but it can only make you stronger. Albeit some cost-benefit analysis should be carried out but in the end it’s only by putting ourselves in the line that we really tap into the vulnerability that makes us feel truly alive.
Lesson #5: Be honest about what you want, but also about what you are ready to give. Honesty does not have to be a lonely word…
Lesson #6: Let go! The more you try to determine odds the more confused/obsessed you’ll become and the less you’ll enjoy whatever it is your are supposed to be experiencing. Go with the flow and take it as it comes. Things will fall into place.
Lesson #7: Leave your deamons out of it, inadequacy complexes, escapist tendencies, displaced feelings… Whether it is casual fun you are after, or a more serious thing you are hoping for, you have to be in a good place –and preferably at peace with yourself – to be able to tune into it.
Lesson #8: Purely physical encounters are fun and can be very liberating –but always play safe! That being said the fun is increased when it’s shared with a good friend.
Lesson #9: Don’t be afraid to think outside the box and consider options you had previously disregarded based on uninformed prejudices. You can be pleasantly surprised ;o)
Here’s to 2010; hopefully an equally enlightening year!
