Technical difficulties

I guess it is one of those days where the universe recommends staying home. Alas I ventured out and back...

One thing is certain, technology is in disagreement with me... I have been spending the better part of the evening trying to sort the formatting for this space without much luck!

I wonder if the cat that followed me home, ran to my door and entered my room is another of those warnings the Universe is sending...

Unfortunately the Universe's messenger shan't fulfill it's purpose as I speak no feline dialects!

La cattiva

Am I mostly to blame for the “bad weather” I am currently experiencing?

May be it’s a bit like climate change, naturally occurring every few 100,000 years but accelerated by human activity (and for the sake of flow lets assume climate change is NOT contested)…

Could it be that my insecurities hide beneath the mask of an “independent woman”?

The last couple of months have been, for lack of a better word: DRY! It may be that I end up doing something 'stupid' soon!

Its like the though of indulging in that slice of creamy cheesecake you may sometimes crave at midnight knowing fully well that you have nothing to gain from that temporary gratification except a pounds which could eventually be accompanied by some regret... Is “play time” really worth that?

The weekend has brought some (much appreciated) clarification in the form of incredibly creative friends... friends who unknowingly or not have confronted me with some truths I did not want to speak myself. Indeed, what was said on Saturday night has crossed my mind in more than one occasion:

-“you may have double standards”…

-“you shoot them down before they’ve even had the chance to make an impression”...

Tonight I got one friendly half-joking yet half-confronting: “ma sei cattiva"

None of these were meant as reproaches, just observations… What is more, I know that what my friends said was true… not because they said it but because I had been running from admitting it all to myself. Finally, that inconvenient truth I was hiding from caught up with me…

It is curious how once something has been spoken; once it has a name, its existence can no longer be denied! I am left with a choice between two identifiable options:

a) To accept my current ways and its direct and indirect implications, or

b) To change my ways –IF I am unhappy (with elements of the status quo) …

It will be option “b” for me, thank you very much!

[Disclaimer: I am not saying I will lower my standards. At the risk of sounding pedantic, I will shoot down romantic prospects that cannot conjugate their tenses properly let alone express their ideas in a correct sentence structure!]

… As to ‘HOW’ I will go about it? Well that is still uncertain… I guess I have to find another way of coping with my longstanding insecurities about 'smarts' and 'looks'. After all aren’t insecurities only weaknesses when you hide behind them? Maybe this “drought” is the universe telling me something like the oracle at Delphi, a resounding:

“To thine own self be true”,

… Lest running away from ‘known daemons’ results in you crashing straight into them and becoming the shadow of what you could have been

In the meantime, while I work on not being “una cattiva”, the intention of doing something ‘stupid’ with a visiting friend is a good 50% there (at least on my side)! After all, a joke often hides a half truth and the speakers of those half-truths have a way of seeking some way of fulfilling them… which could or not be a good thing. I guess we’ll find out soon enough!